Let’s learn together when and how to reply politely to Japanese wedding invitations when you receive them. There are no strict rules, but there is a tradition of how it should be done.
When should I reply to invitations?
If you will attend:
Reply within one week of receiving the invitation. In my case, I tend to write on the first weekend after receiving the invitation.
Reply within a week, even if you will attend only either the wedding ceremony or reception. (In that case, you need to mention it in the message on the invitation, read the sample message below.)
If you live outside of Japan, you can reply by email. If you wish to reply to the invitation physically, and if it will take some time for the invitation to reach the bride and groom, you should send them an email first: “I just put your invitation in the mailbox. I’m looking forward to attending your ceremony.”
If you will NOT attend:
Reply to it between 1 and 2 weeks after you receive the invitation. In Japan, people don’t reply immediately to show that they tried hard to make arrangements, but were still unable to attend. You don’t need to worry about this too much, but it is a good thing to keep in mind.
If you live outside of Japan, you can email them that you will not be able to attend.
If you are NOT SURE if you will be able to attend or not:
Inform the bride and groom via email or phone that you are still not sure if you will be able to attend. In that email, you should write two things: “I don’t know if I can attend yet” and “I will decide by …(when)”.
Also, ask if you should send the invitation after you have made a final decision or if you should send the invitation right away mentioning that you are not sure yet.
How to write a reply
Writing rules
- Write with a black pen.
- Do not use punctuation (句読点 / くとうてん): 「、」 or 「。」. (They mean the end of the sentence and are regarded as bad luck when it comes to marriage.)
- Use a double line to erase the wrong letters (it is better to use a ruler to draw a line).
Front side (the side with the address to send it back)
Cross out 「行」 and 「宛」 below the recipient’s name with a double line and write 「様」 beside it.
*「行」 and 「宛」 are written by the bride and groom in a humble way for their names, so we, who send them back, add a polite 「様」.
Back side (the side where you choose to attend or not attend)
- Cross out respectful words for yourself with a double line.
*Cross out the letter 「ご」. In Kanji, the letter 「御」is written instead.- Cross out 「ご」 of 「ご出席・ご欠席」
- Cross out 「ご芳」 of 「ご芳名」
- Cross out 「ご」 of 「ご住所」
- Add a message for the couple getting married.
There may be a message box on the invitation. Even if there isn’t any, write a message congratulating the couple in an empty space somewhere on the invitation. Since there are many difficult kanji characters, the hiragana version is also included in the samples. Please refer to it.
**Be careful not to use punctuation: 「、」and 「。」!**
If you will attend:
「ご結婚おめでとうございます
喜んで出席させていただきます」
「ごけっこんおめでとうございます
よろこんでしゅっせきさせていただきます」
“Congratulations on your marriage.
I will be delighted to attend.”
「ご結婚おめでとうございます
お二人の晴れ姿を楽しみにしています」
「ごけっこんおめでとうございます
おふたりのはれすがたをたのしみにしています」
“Congratulations on your wedding.
We are looking forward to seeing you both on your big day!”
If more than one person is invited and one of them will not attend:
「ご結婚おめでとうございます
妻は所用のため 夫 ハサンと娘 アヤのみ出席させていただきます
お二人の晴れ姿を楽しみにしています」
「ごけっこんおめでとうございます
つまはしょようのため おっと はさんとむすめ あやのみしゅっせきさせていただきます
おふたりのはれすがたをたのしみにしています」
“Congratulations on your wedding.
My wife is unable to attend due to some things, so only (husband) Hasan and daughter Aya will be attending.
I’m looking forward to seeing you both on your big day.”
* Make your own message by using this sentence:「”Person(s) who will not attend here”は所用のため “Person(s) who will attend here” のみ出席させていただきます」
If you will attend only the wedding ceremony:
「ご結婚おめでとうございます
あいにく所用のため披露宴の時間までいることができませんが
挙式にはぜひ出席させていただきます
お二人の晴れ姿を楽しみにしています」
「ごけっこんおめでとうございます
あいにくしょようのためひろうえんのじかんまでいることができませんが
きょしきにはぜひしゅっせきさせていただきます
おふたりのはれすがたをたのしみにしています」
“Congratulations on your wedding.
Unfortunately, I can’t be there for the reception due to some things.
But I will definitely be there for the wedding ceremony.
I’m looking forward to seeing you two on your big day!”
If you will attend only the wedding reception:
「ご結婚おめでとうございます
あいにく所用のため挙式にかけつけることができませんが
披露宴にはぜひ出席させていただきます
お二人の晴れ姿を楽しみにしています」
「ごけっこんおめでとうございます
あいにくしょようのためきょしきにかけつけることができませんが
ひろうえんにはぜひしゅっせきさせていただきます
おふたりのはれすがたをたのしみにしています」
“Congratulations on your wedding.
Unfortunately, I can’t be there for the wedding ceremony due to some things.
But I will definitely be there for the wedding reception.
I’m looking forward to seeing you two on your big day!”
If you will not attend:
「ご結婚おめでとうございます
残念ではありますが やむを得ない事情により欠席させていただきます
お二人の幸せを心よりお祈り申し上げます」
「ごけっこんおめでとうございます
ざんねんではありますが やむをえないじじょうによりけっせきさせていただきます
おふたりのしあわせをこころよりおいのりもうしあげます」
“Congratulations on your wedding.
I deeply regret to inform you that I will be unable to attend due to unavoidable reasons.
I sincerely wish you both all the happiness in the world.”
- 「ご芳名」(Name)
This is the field where you write your name. You can write your name in Japanese, the alphabet, or any other language you want (as long as they can read it).
It doesn’t have to be your official name as it is on your passport, but it should match the name you will write at the reception desk when you actually arrive at the wedding venue.
If your family is also invited, write the names of all the people who will attend. If more than one person is invited, but some of them can’t make it, add a message like 「妻は所用のため 夫 ハサンと娘 アヤのみ出席させていただきます」 in the message section to let them know that they can’t make it. (Please refer to the sample message.)
- 「ご住所」(Address)
Write your address here.
- Request for special meals
If you wish the food served at the reception to be a special meal (such as an allergy-friendly meal), write it down.
Below are some polite examples, but since it is a very important matter, you can write it in any word or language you are comfortable communicating, such as 「エビとカニが食べられません」or 「No お酒」or “No egg”. Since many of the kanji are difficult to write, hiragana versions are included in the samples. Please refer to it.
If you are pregnant:
「妊娠中のため お酒やカフェインや生ものを控えております
ご配慮いただけますと幸いです」
「にんしんちゅうのため おさけやかふぇいんやなまものをひかえております
ごはいりょいただけますとさいわいです」
“Please note that I avoid alcohol, caffeine, and raw foods due to my pregnancy.
Thank you for your consideration.”
If you don’t want to mention that you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or recovering from an illness:
「お酒を控えております ご配慮いただけますと幸いです」
「おさけをひかえております ごはいりょいただけますとさいわいです」
“I don’t drink alcohol. I hope you will take care of it.”
If you are allergic to something:
「ピーナッツアレルギーがあります ご配慮いただけますと幸いです」
「ぴーなっつあれるぎーがあります ごはいりょいただけますとさいわいです」
“I’m allergic to peanuts. I’d appreciate it if you could take care of it.”
If you are a Muslim:
「宗教上お酒や お酒・豚肉・豚エキスを使った料理が食べられません ご配慮いただけますと幸いです」
「しゅうきょうじょうおさけや おさけ・ぶたにく・ぶたえきすをつかったりょうりがたべられません ごはいりょいただけますとさいわいです」
“Due to my religious beliefs, I cannot eat alcohol or any food containing alcohol, pork, or pork extract. I would appreciate it if you could take care of it.”
If you are a vegan or vegetarian:
「ベジタリアンメニューでご対応いただけますと幸いです」
「べじたりあんめにゅーでごたいおういただけますとさいわいです」
“It would be great if you could arrange a vegetarian menu.”
If you would like to communicate directly for details:
*In this case, you should contact them directly when the reply to your invitation reaches them.
「別途ご連絡さしあげます」
「べっとごれんらくさしあげます」
“I will contact you directly”
Once you’ve filled out all the fields, just make sure they’re correct and then put it in the mailbox! (Wedding invitations come with stamps attached, so you don’t need to go to the post office to buy stamps.)
I hope that your wedding experience in Japan will be wonderful!
For more information on etiquette when attending a wedding as a guest, please read this article.
A Guide You Should Read When You Are Invited to a Japanese Wedding | Part-1
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